


"Just Stay With Me"

by ChameleonCircuit



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barisi - Freeform, Kinda, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Death, Pre-Barisi, Pre-Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., and mentions of guns, but it is ok, i mean it's not REALLY barisi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 12:13:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11967135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChameleonCircuit/pseuds/ChameleonCircuit
Summary: It was easy to nod along when told he was okay. It was much harder to be asked, and to answer.- follow up to S18E07 (Next Chapter)





	"Just Stay With Me"

**Author's Note:**

> From a tumblr prompt. And I really like the result, which is rare for me, so I thought it deserved to be here, too.
> 
> http://sofuckingchuffed.tumblr.com/post/164366729727/just-stay-with-me-barisi-pls-and-thank-u

“Detective?”

 

Sonny blinked. His knuckles were almost as white as the sink he was gripping.

 

“Carisi.”

 

The voice sounded closer this time. He blinked again, trying to focus. He didn’t even know where he was.

 

“Sonny.”

 

It was almost a whisper that time, but it somehow seemed louder. He turned his head to the source of the noise. His chest felt tight.

 

“There you are,” Barba said quietly, reaching out tentatively to touch him on the shoulder. He flinched slightly, involuntarily, taking a sharp breath in, followed by another.

 

Barba hesitated before resting both his hands on top of Sonny’s, gently prying his fingers from the basin. The minute his grip loosened his knees felt weak, and he slumped a little, his elbows hitting the sink as he rested his weight forward. His brain couldn’t catch up, and it appeared his limbs were lagging just as much. He felt embarrassed, but it was distant behind the tightness in his chest and the fog in his brain.

 

Barba’s arms caught him around the waist, and they awkwardly remained like that for a few minutes. Sonny wasn’t sure what Barba was saying to him, but it was a comforting string of nothing, and he let it fill him up until he found enough strength in his legs to stand upright on his own.

 

He blinked at Barba, rubbing the back of his neck with a shaky hand.

 

“I’m taking you home.”

 

“Nah,” Sonny started, eyes finding anywhere to fix on but Barba. “I’m good. I can manage on my own.”

 

Barba scoffed and took him by the elbow, and Sonny just let himself be lead, unable to form any words to protest.

 

“Barba. Carisi, what-” Liv started, but Barba cut her off.

 

“I’m taking your detective home.”

 

Sonny was sure Barba’s voice sounded unnecessarily icy, and Liv definitely looked taken aback. He smiled sheepishly at her and shrugged, letting Barba drag him away.

 

They were silent the entire ride home, right up until they got to Sonny’s front door.

 

“What was that about?” He asked, and Barba threw him a confused look, so he added, “With Liv.”

 

“She should have had enough sense to send you home after you nearly had a bullet in your head.”

 

The words were blunt, and for a moment Sonny could feel the cold metal pressed against his forehead again. The metallic smell of blood filled his nose, and he could taste it on his tongue. He thought he might throw up as he hastily opened the door to his apartment.

 

“She should have made sure you were okay,” Barba said, gentler this time, as he followed Sonny in.

 

“I’m fine,” he replied with a shrug, though he knew very well that he wasn’t.

 

Barba just stared at him like he was stupid, which, while not unusual, had never held the level of tender fondness it did right now.

 

“I, um…” he gestured towards the bathroom before heading there, not quite sure what to do with Barba in his apartment. He’d imagined it many times, but usually there were drinks and kissing involved, not a near-death experience and a mini bathroom breakdown.

 

He took a deep breath as he looked in the mirror, but at the sight of the blood still caked into his hairline and the collar of his shirt, he felt faint. He’d nearly been shot at before, multiple times, and blood had never phased him before. But he’d never stared down the barrel of a gun like that, with time to think about dying before death came. He’d never thought about how cold a gun felt on skin, or how warm fresh blood was. He’d never thought about the taste or the smell of blood. He’d never had another person’s blood splattered across his face, and he’d never wondered, for a brief moment, if it was his own. He’d never been so scared in his life.

 

He realised he’d sat on the edge of the bathtub, his hands gripping the edge as his thoughts spiralled.

 

“Sonny?”

 

His head snapped up to Barba, who was standing uncertainly in the doorway of the bathroom. Whatever he saw on Sonny’s face made his mind up for him, and he entered, grabbing a washer from the rack above the sink, wetting it with warm water.

 

Wordlessly, he knelt on the tile between Sonny’s legs and began gently washing the remnants of blood from his face and hair until the washer came back clean from his skin. Next, he unbuttoned Sonny’s shirt, and he bundled both the shirt and the washer up in a ball, tossing it to the corner of the room, out of sight.

 

“You okay?” He broke the silence, angling his head so he was looking right into Sonny’s eyes.

 

Sonny’s breath hitched in his throat, and he felt his eyes sting.

 

_ Please don’t cry.  _ He begged of himself. Because no one had asked. It was easy to nod along when Liv told him he was okay at the crime scene. It was easy to nod along when the medics told him he was okay after giving him some wet-wipes to clean up with. It was easy to nod along when Fin told him he did a good job and Amanda re-iterated that he was okay. It was much harder to be asked, and to answer. And somehow, it hurt that no one else had even bothered to ask. It hurt that, of everyone he worked with, everyone who should know better, it fell to Barba, who was almost never kind, to actually ask.

 

“Just stay with me,” he whispered, dropping his chin to his chest so he didn’t have to look at Barba. He knew he sounded pathetic.

 

Warm, gentle arms worked their way around his back, and he realised he was being hugged. Barba was hugging him. So he hugged back fiercely, dropping so he was level with Barba, unable to stop the tears that fell.

 

But Barba didn’t seem to mind. He just stayed there, holding Sonny tightly, like he was afraid to let go.


End file.
